March is a time of Madness

Apparently this is the time of the year when I get it in my head to do ridiculous things. Go ahead, take a look at any post I’ve ever made in late March. And yes, I know I haven’t posted here in a very long time, but still. It holds up on Facebook and Twitter, too. Trust me.

So, the other day, in a zombie-like state, at the end of a long day, nearing the end of a long month, in which the pressure is on at work, and the OG Sonar Monkey is getting ready to graduate from high school, as I scrolled mindlessly through Twitter, I came across another silly March bracket: the Internet Boyfriend Bracket from OffSet. I may have spent the evening googling those competitors I do not know, talking about the advantages and disadvantages of the different pairings, as well as ranting aboutnoting various omissions. I may have posted about it on Facebook.

Then last night, the eponymous madness overtook me, and I started to rebuild the bracket. Bigger. Better. More ridiculous. Correcting omissions, sorting into topical quarters, then reseeding (Randomly. Mostly.).

Methodology

I started with OffSet’s collection of charming competitors (there were 28), then took suggestions from friends, family, and my own brain. I did some research, combing through my Netflix queue, my social media circles, my crush history, my daily activities, looking for individuals who might make an interesting internet boyfriend. Then padded out the original list until I had a fully mad set of 64 individuals.

I created a tag for each competitor to note their most famous or laudable accomplishment. Some of these tags are more specific than others: a particular role or action. Others are more general: a job, field of study, or place of employment. Don’t read too much into the tags. Mostly I just thought some of them were funny. 

Some broad groupings started to suggest themselves. The list is dominated by actors, but there were also musicians, writers, journalists, comedians, chefs, and a couple of ax-throwers. I didn’t think too deeply about this, but sorted them into four very loose categories.

Actors and Comedians

Actors and Ax-Throwers

Actors and Musicians

Politics, Science, and Public Radio

It occurs to me now that there are some perfectly amazing actor-musicians that aren’t in the Actors and Musicians category. There’s also not a single athlete. *shrug*

Concerns

I’m aware that the internet “boyfriend” concept is ultimately limiting in it’s single-gender focus. I have plenty of internet crushes who are either “girlfriends” or nonbinary. The idea of an “Internet Girlfriend” bracket sounds more unsavory, which raises questions about allowable and disallowable justifications in the gendered gaze. A topic for a more philosophical conversation and consideration perhaps. An omission to be remediated in a future March frenzy.

I’m also quite aware that there are a few people on the list that if I looked under their kitchen rugs, would reveal intolerable actions and attitudes. Disqualify them as you will based on your preferences and predilections. Or make a new, personalized bracket of your own. It was fun!

Anyway, Just Go Vote Now