Sex Ed: It's Perfectly Normal by Robie H. Harris and Michael Emberley

This review is part of my ongoing quest to choose great resources for helping the Sonars understand their bodies, their sexuality, and sex.

It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health by Robie H. Harris and Michael Emberley. Candlewick Press (Third Paperback Edition), 2009.

This is the third book in Harris and Emberley’s Family Library series of books to help young people understand sex and sexuality. I reviewed the second, It’s So Amazing, right here.

The focus in this third book is summed up in the final chapter, “Staying Healthy: Responsible Choices,” and the book is trying to give kids honest, accurate, complete information so that they can make decisions for themselves. The book begins by providing explanations of the the biology of both sexes, addresses personal hygiene and personal care norms, then builds toward an understanding of what happens when desire and sexuality begin to influence lives. Homosexuality, masturbation, contraception, abstinence, abortion, sexually transmitted diseases, and an expanded section on internet safety, are all discussed in some detail.

Harris and Emberley continue to respect young people by presenting information directly and without judgement, illustrated by Emberley’s characteristic drawing style with frank drawings of internal and external anatomy. My favorite part of all the Family Library books are the wide variety of naked bodies represented, so that most readers can find someone like themselves in the pages of the books. We see bodies young and old, and in varying hues and abilities, curious and shy, in an array of inclusive family constructions. The book does not hedge illustrations behind suggestion and innuendo.

The larger chunks of text, and the more explicit descriptions of matters from intercourse to abortion, make this book best suited for slightly older children. The suggested age range is 10 to 14, and I think that’s spot on. This book is less addressed toward young people who are actively engaged in sex, than toward young people who are beginning to have an understanding of sex and will soon face choices for themselves. This book is preparation before and during the early phases of sexual understanding and exploration. It is on target for Sonar X11, and some chapters, especially the biology and personal care chapters, would be fine for Sonar X8, though not all kids that young will want to read all of the explanatory text. That’s fine too, because the pictures teach as much as the words.

The story is guided by Bird (who is curious about sex) and Bee (who is shy and reluctant to talk about sex), who take a smaller role in this book than in the earlier installments in the series, but are still present to ease the awkwardness of some subjects. Complicated concepts are accompanied by full page, comic-book style explanations as reinforcement. The cartoonish aspects of the book do not feel condescending, and are diminished in the more serious and controversial sections.

The biological functions are heteronormative in focus, but do acknowledge variation without judgement. A key idea that is repeated throughout the book is that once the biology of puberty kicks in, once adult functioning of the sex organs begins, pregnancy is always a possible outcome of some sexual behaviors. The book does not so much focus on helping a young person who is struggling to define his or her self-identity, but to introduce and define the possibilities that people will encounter in the world.

The central message Harris and Emberley present is respect for self, respect for others, and responsibility in actions. They steer readers with questions or confusion toward trusted adults, a technique underlined by their own reliance and gratitude toward a long list of experts in many fields.

We need something one step beyond this book that begins to address social situations and personal identity more explicitly, but this book and the others in the series are great foundational books for a positive and healthy attitude toward sex that is based in complete, inclusive, and direct facts and attitudes without resorting to fear mongering and piling on anxiety.

Sex Ed: It's So Amazing! by Robie H. Harris and Michael Emberley

This review is part of my ongoing quest to choose great resources for helping the Sonars understand their bodies, their sexuality, and sex.

It’s So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families by Robie H. Harris and Michael Emberley, Candlewick Press (first paperback), 2002.

Harris and Emberley have created a series of three books called The Family Library, which aims to be a resource for families to help kids understand sex and sexuality in a warm, open, funny, and honest way. Harris’s text and Emberley’s colorful illustrations are built from consultation with a long list of experts, as well as kids and families. Targeted at kids seven and up, we’re led through each chapter by Bird (who is curious and enthusiastic about learning about sex) and Bee (who is more skeptical about whether he really wants to talk about any of this stuff). The characters might feel condescending to older kids, but make a great vehicle for mirroring the kinds of anxieties and feelings real kids might have when faced with the mysteries of the human body and sex.

Drawings of both internal and external human anatomy are clear, and the cartoon-style of drawing softens the giggle factor of representing naked bodies. My favorite set of drawings are the life-cycle illustrations, showing what bodies look like as babies, young children, older children, adolescents, adults, and older adults. The biological mechanics of sex, pregnancy, and birth are explained in some detail, and chunks of text are moderate in length and balanced by heavy illustration.

Sex is presented as one kind of Loving behavior, and attention is given to different types of loving behavior that don’t involve sex. The book doesn’t address individual desire or identity, but does try to directly define words. Definitions for terms, even controversial ones, are given without judgement. Descriptions of the many different family configurations that exist in our society are extensive and normalized, again without addressing desire or the controversy that some relationships can inspire. Only when defining masturbation do the authors acknowledge potential controversy. In all other cases, the authors lean toward objective definition.

The tone of the book is respectful of kids, acknowledging that they may have heard or know a lot of things, and fills in definitions and blows up myths that may confuse kids. This is a great book for prepubescent kids who are ready to understand more about human bodies and human families, and introduces foundational concepts that will become important as kids grow.

Sex Ed: On Your Mark, Get Set, Grow ! and What's Going On Down There

Part of my ongoing quest to choose great resources for helping the Sonars understand their bodies, their sexuality, and sex.

On Your Mark, Get Set, Grow! A What’s Happening to my Body Book for Younger Boys by Lynda Madaras, Newmarket Press 2008 (library copy)

Targeted to boys under about ten or twelve, this book seems best suited to kids who have not yet started puberty or are just exhibiting their first signs and anxieties. Madaras, who is the author of a number of sexuality education books for young people, focuses here on the physiological changes that begin with puberty, as well as the anxieties that boys might feel about those changes. Written in very simple language and decorated with cartoon drawings, the book is an accessible entry into learning about puberty. Acne, hygiene, erections, body image, media imagine, making healthy choices, peer pressure, abuse, and other topics are addressed. Madaras connects slangy terms to more formal terms, as well as connecting what kids might have heard or to concrete facts. Her tone is reassuring, reiterating that most things that boys feel and think as their bodies change are perfectly normal, and that “normal” holds a very large variety of experience. In this book, Madaras does not discuss sexual desire, the mechanics of sex, or sexual relationships. She does emphasize the importance of relationships with friends and parents, and encourages kids to seek out trusted adults during and beyond puberty.

What’s Going on Down There? Answers to Questions Boys Find Hard to Ask by Karen Gravelle with Nick and Chava Castro, Walker and Company 1998 (library copy)

The early chapters of this book are very similar to Lynda Madaras’s On Your Mark, Get Set, Grow! They are primarily about the physiological changes and anxieties associated with the onset of puberty. The tone of the book is slightly more mature, but the cartoon drawings persist, making this a good book for kids that are really in the throes of puberty, but perhaps not yet fully adolescents. Gravelle discusses masturbation and dispels masturbation myths, acknowledging that some people do not think masturbation is morally acceptable, but that most people find it a normal and healthy sexual behavior. A chapter is devoted to explaining the physiological changes that girls experience in puberty, including details about menstruation, encouraging empathy and understanding across genders. Gravelle discusses the mechanics of heterosexual intercourse with specific discussion of emotional readiness and what it means to pressure others (and a definition of rape). Within that chapter she discusses homosexuality as a normal part of the human sexual landscape. The biology of conception, contraception, sexually transmitted diseases and their prevention are introduced, with an explanation of different methods and diseases, and where to acquire contraception and information. Gravelle draws on questions from boys in a section aimed at quelling anxieties, and concludes with a section of important considerations and encouragement from men who have survived adolescence. She encourages a sense of personal responsibility and is affirmative about the normalcy of a broad range of sexual behaviors without going into any detail about what those sexual behaviors are (beyond heterosexual intercourse). While I don’t think her book is enough to stand alone as a source of information for a broad-minded, sexually active adolescent, it does provide a starting point for boys to see what decisions and experiences might be in store for them as they grow. Gravelle acknowledges that thinking about the responsibilities of sexual behavior might make anyone want to avoid it altogether, but she reassures readers that making conscious, healthy choices makes it easier to enjoy the experiences that life has in store.

Educational Enrichment: Toward a Comprehensive Sex Education Curriculum for the Sonars

“I’ve always felt, in all my books, that there’s a deep decency in the American people and a native intelligence — providing they have the facts, providing they have the information.” -Studs Terkel

Sonar X10 was recently subjected to three days of Personal Responsibilty Classes at school. Personal Responsibility, we learned, is code for Sex Ed. These three days of lessons were announced by a letter home that included an Opt Out form, as well as a Parent Meeting to allow parents an opportunity to ask questions of the teachers, curriculum developers, and counselors. It all struck me as a little melodramatic, especially for an ignorance abstinence-only state.

In that three days, or rather three class periods, less than three hours total, the kids learned what they need to know about their bodies and the bodies around them. Humans are sexual creatures. Three hours just isn’t enough. Especially at an age when puberty is slamming into many of them at 100 miles per hour.

So I’m supplementing. I know this is one of my jobs as a parent, educating them about their bodies, their values, their place in this world. And I’m up for the challenge. We’re talking, of course. We have been for a while. But I also feel the need to throw some books into the mix. I’m not sure why I didn’t think about this directly before, but because we are sexual beings, the conversation about sex needs to be continuous and broad. I’ve often joked that I’m a feminist who is changing the world one Sonar at a time. So I’d best get a little more fire under the burner of their broad-minded and respectful sexuality education. For a good approximation of my values about sexuality and what I hope to impart to the Sonars, check out Scarleteen’s Definition of Feminist Sex Education. 

Books are a great medium of communication, especially for my avid readers. Books have the advantage of being consumed and digested in the privacy of one’s own head, and they do such a good job of being available on the shelf when the interest strikes a kid who might not want to face mom or dad yammering on about hormones and normalcy. I’m searching for the best books to share with the Sonars. I’m going to share an annotated bibliography of the books I have a chance to look at and name the ones that get put on the shelf. Here’s my working list, compiled from what is available at my local library and from various internet sources.

If the list seems skewed toward boys, that’s because all of the Sonars are boys, but I want them to understand the range of gender and sexuality experience. I will focus on books for younger audiences first, but I also want books that will meet them as they grow. 

This list is only a beginning point. Please chime in with your favorite sex ed book.

Sex Ed Books for the Youngish Set 

It’s So Amazing! A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families by Robie H. Haris, illustrated by Michael Emberley 

On Your Mark, Get Set, Grow! A “What’s Happening to My Body?” Book for Younger Boys by Lynda Madaras

Ready, Set, Grow! A “What’s Happening to My Body?” Book for Younger Girls by Lynda Madaras

What’s Going on Down There? Answers to Questions Boys Find Hard to Ask by Karen Gravelle with Nick and Chava Castro

It’s Perfectly Normal: a Book About Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health by Robie H. Haris, illustrated by Michael Emberly

What If Someone I Know is Gay? Answers to Questions About What It Means to Be Gay and Lesbian by Eric Marcus

Books for the Adolescent-ish Among You

The What’s Happening To My Body? Book for Boys by Lynda Madaras with Dane Saavedra

The What’s Happening to My Body? Book for Girls by Lynda Madaras with Area Madaras

Is It a Choice? Answers to the Most Frequently Asked Questions About Gay and Lesbian People by Eric Marcus

The Go Ask Alice Book of Answers by Columbia University’s Health Education Program

The Guy Book: An Owner’s Manual (Maintenance, Safety, and Operating Instructions for Teens) by Mavis Jukes

S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide by Heather Corinna

Books for Parent-y Ones, trying to figure out what to say and how to say it

How to Talk to Your Child About Sex by Linda and Richard Eyre

Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (but were afraid they’d ask): The Secrets to Surviving Your Child’s Sexual Development from Birth to the Teens by Justin Richardson and Mark A. Schuster

Comprehensive Sexuality Education Guidelines from Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS)

When Sex Goes to School: Warring Views on Sex—and Sex Education—Since the Sixties by Kristin Luker