Off We Go, A Vacation Preparation Checklist

In my pre-vacation procrastination I apparently forgot to post this.  Just pretend that you don’t know we’ve already returned.  

1.  Do not leave behind anything that will be gross when we return.  Trash, food, laundry, science fair experiments. 

a. Take out trash. 

b. Cook, freeze, or give away food that can’t be taken with us. Eat the last four brownies with an enormous glass of milk in an effort to use up the milk.

c. Nibble at everything and begin ingesting absurd amounts of caffeine.

e. Wash and put away clothes.

f. Freshen the aquatic habitats and ask someone to feed the animals while we’re gone.

g. Get distracted cleaning something that hasn’t been cleaned for a while but has no relevance to the trip or the empty house. For example, the toaster.  Stop and clean out the toaster crumbs even if the toaster won’t be used while we’re gone.  Then panic about how little time is left before the children come home from school and we leave. 

2.  Prepare for the return.

a. Make beds ready for sleep, in case we return late.

b. Resist taking a nap in a freshly made bed.

c. Check cupboards for some kind of nonperishable food that the children are willing to eat in case we return late and/or hungry.

3.  Pack.

a. Clothes appropriate for travel and destination. (Snow clothes!!)

b. Convince the children that even though they have worn shorts to school all week, there is no way that they will need shorts where we are going, especially since there is a reasonable expectation of some snow.

c. Ignore the nine year old’s well-reasoned argument that while the high desert does get cold at night at this time of year, the daytime temperatures can often be as much as forty or fifty degrees higher, thus opening up a narrow possibility of short-need. 

d. Travel snacks, drinks, and entertainment.  Be sure there are enough snacks for ten people for ten days even though we are five people traveling to see grandparents with a well-stocked pantry for one week in a place that has stores.

e. Enough knitting and books to keep us busy for five months even though we’re only leaving for one week.

f. Gifts for people we will visit.

g. The cell phone and iPod chargers.

h. Lovies or lap blankets for children who might have to sleep in their seats while we drive over highways that expect snowstorms during our travel.  

4. In the middle of everything, stop and procrastinate for a while. Spend some time reading blogs that I couldn’t care less about.  Googlemap the trip 500 different ways.  Print out four of them even though we know exactly how to get where we’re going and we always go the same way. 

5. Panic about absurd contingencies. 

6. Calm down and plan for more reasonable contingencies.

a. Tell a trusted neighbor that we’ll be gone.

c. Make sure to have emergency contacts on the cell phone AND scribbled on a piece of paper and tucked inside the novel or knitting bag I’m bringing.

7. Spend an hour writing a blog post about getting ready for a trip, even though I haven’t actually done anything on the list.  

8. When the kids come home from school, and while one is finishing the science experiment that involves milk and juices sitting on the counter for a week, convince them that that we do not need to bring an entire drawer full of markers and toys that they cannot play with inside the car.

9. Have a plan to feed everyone a dinner composed of perfectly good food that needs to be eaten, but cave to picking up sandwiches on the way out of town.

10. At the last minute, after the suitcases are in the car, remember that I needed to pack some extra clothes for the youngest child, who is at Grandma’s and will be picked up along the way.  Cram some clothes into a grocery bag, intending to put them in his overnight bag when we get him.  Keep the clothes in this grocery bag all week, and tell him it’s a new kind of disposable suitcase.  [I forgot to do this one, so he wore the same two shirts all week.]

11. Collapse into the driver/passenger seat an hour later than we intended to leave, turn the radio up, roll the windows down, and appreciate the warm sea breeze for a few miles as we drive off to Northern New Mexico.  

 Off we go to grandparents, green chile, (maybe) snow, and fun.  Have a great Spring Break everyone!