Sex Ed: On Your Mark, Get Set, Grow ! and What's Going On Down There

Part of my ongoing quest to choose great resources for helping the Sonars understand their bodies, their sexuality, and sex.

On Your Mark, Get Set, Grow! A What’s Happening to my Body Book for Younger Boys by Lynda Madaras, Newmarket Press 2008 (library copy)

Targeted to boys under about ten or twelve, this book seems best suited to kids who have not yet started puberty or are just exhibiting their first signs and anxieties. Madaras, who is the author of a number of sexuality education books for young people, focuses here on the physiological changes that begin with puberty, as well as the anxieties that boys might feel about those changes. Written in very simple language and decorated with cartoon drawings, the book is an accessible entry into learning about puberty. Acne, hygiene, erections, body image, media imagine, making healthy choices, peer pressure, abuse, and other topics are addressed. Madaras connects slangy terms to more formal terms, as well as connecting what kids might have heard or to concrete facts. Her tone is reassuring, reiterating that most things that boys feel and think as their bodies change are perfectly normal, and that “normal” holds a very large variety of experience. In this book, Madaras does not discuss sexual desire, the mechanics of sex, or sexual relationships. She does emphasize the importance of relationships with friends and parents, and encourages kids to seek out trusted adults during and beyond puberty.

What’s Going on Down There? Answers to Questions Boys Find Hard to Ask by Karen Gravelle with Nick and Chava Castro, Walker and Company 1998 (library copy)

The early chapters of this book are very similar to Lynda Madaras’s On Your Mark, Get Set, Grow! They are primarily about the physiological changes and anxieties associated with the onset of puberty. The tone of the book is slightly more mature, but the cartoon drawings persist, making this a good book for kids that are really in the throes of puberty, but perhaps not yet fully adolescents. Gravelle discusses masturbation and dispels masturbation myths, acknowledging that some people do not think masturbation is morally acceptable, but that most people find it a normal and healthy sexual behavior. A chapter is devoted to explaining the physiological changes that girls experience in puberty, including details about menstruation, encouraging empathy and understanding across genders. Gravelle discusses the mechanics of heterosexual intercourse with specific discussion of emotional readiness and what it means to pressure others (and a definition of rape). Within that chapter she discusses homosexuality as a normal part of the human sexual landscape. The biology of conception, contraception, sexually transmitted diseases and their prevention are introduced, with an explanation of different methods and diseases, and where to acquire contraception and information. Gravelle draws on questions from boys in a section aimed at quelling anxieties, and concludes with a section of important considerations and encouragement from men who have survived adolescence. She encourages a sense of personal responsibility and is affirmative about the normalcy of a broad range of sexual behaviors without going into any detail about what those sexual behaviors are (beyond heterosexual intercourse). While I don’t think her book is enough to stand alone as a source of information for a broad-minded, sexually active adolescent, it does provide a starting point for boys to see what decisions and experiences might be in store for them as they grow. Gravelle acknowledges that thinking about the responsibilities of sexual behavior might make anyone want to avoid it altogether, but she reassures readers that making conscious, healthy choices makes it easier to enjoy the experiences that life has in store.

ABAW: A Discovery of Witches, A Novel

A Discovery of Witches, a Novel (Book 1 of the All Souls Trilogy) by Deborah Harkness

Viking Adult, 2011 (library copy)

Old manuscripts, a witch in denial, clueless humans, intellectual vampires, unstable demons, secret societies, ancient castles, and a haunted house. In A Discovery of Witches, Deborah Harkness delivers a first novel that is smartly written and creates a richly nuanced supernatural world. I loved the library culture, the attention to the details of handling priceless manuscripts and academic research, and the pseudo-scientific exploration of magical powers. I did not so much love the main character, Diana, who starts out almost too perfect and too smart, and then too quickly turns too dependent on her new vampire lover. Said vampire, Matthew, is an interesting character, less for his brooding and aloof vampire romanticism than for his complicated back story combining medieval knight with modern geneticist. In one article I read, Harkness mentions that the idea for this novel started with a question about what sorts of jobs vampires would do if they were real. The ways in which she answers that question — not just for the vampires, but for all the supes — is clever. 

I was skeptical of the narrative structure of the novel. Most of the story is written in the first-person from Diana’s perspective. A few chapters distributed through the story are written in the third person, from Matthew’s perspective. First person narrative allows for suspense and conflict to build as the magical ingénue explores her newly discovered universe. Including the third-person chapters gives the reader knowledge not available to the protagonist, but mostly, I think those revelations weren’t entirely necessary. If Matthew’s perspective is important to the way the story unfolds, why not give more time to that perspective than the occasional chapters?

That said, I really got caught up in the story. The setting moves from the safety of the library, to the brooding European castle, where the sharpest dangers of the world are revealed, then finally settles into the domestic fortress of a New England haunted house. The academic setting is alluring, but the story leaves it quickly. The castle is a little cliché. The house, and the many characters that pass through it, are entertaining. Imagine a sort of benign Amityville horror house, breathing in the background of every scene, moving itself in and out of the main plot.

I was disappointed in the ending of the story (and always skeptical about time travel), but such is often the way with a trilogy. In spite of various bits that rankled me about the story, I did enjoy the book, taking in its nearly 600 pages in just a few delicious days. Harkness pays attention to the details and richly combines the historical and the fantastic, balancing science and magic on the head of a pin. I look forward to reading the subsequent books, if only for the chance to hang out with Christopher Marlowe.

ABAW: Do the Work by Steven Pressfield

Do the Work! Overcome Resistance and get our of your own way by Steven Pressfield

The Domino Project 2011 (free Amazon Kindle edition)

This is a short, motivational book that I picked up free during a pre-release promotion at Amazon. I have not read any of Pressfield’s other work, but I’ve wanted to get my hands on The War of Art, so I couldn’t pass up the chance to check out this one.

Pressfield wants you to just DO whatever it is you want to do: write a book, choreograph a dance, start a business, recover from an addiction, whatever. He recognizes that these things are all hard, and require creativity to imagine doing them and then to accomplish them. Using martial language, and the metaphor of a knight and dragon ready to do battle, Pressfield tells us exactly what to do.

Where butts need to be kicked, we shall kick them. Where kinder, gentler methods are called for, we’ll get out the kid gloves.

He spends much of the book explaining the Resistance—the stuff that stands in the way of completing our goals—and the best ways to slay the Resistance. The Resistance is a big deal. Pressfield’s tone comes off as hyperbolic sometimes, but he’s deadly serious about the way Resistance is a killer. Resistance kills our confidence, our drive, our time and passion to pursue our goals. So he says we can have no mercy with Resistance. He also helps us to identify our allies, the Assistance that is the opposite of Resistance in the universe. 

Our job is not to control our idea; our job is to figure out what our idea is (and wants to be)—and then bring it into being.

Pressfield uses personal examples of his own failures and breakthroughs, as well as famous works of literature and art to break down his instructions. He asks questions that help get us through the motivational issues and the structural issues to Do the Work.

Melville’s Moby Dick shows up over and over, particularly in the middle of the work, in the place where we hit the wall, where we crash hard and want to give up and walk away and watch reality TV: The Belly of the Beast. Pressfield does not abandon us in that Hell, but teaches us that the hell can be good, the crash can be good, that the problem is in us but it is not us, that the problem can be overcome and the result will be better because of living through the crash.

This book came along for me at exactly the right time. It helped get my butt back in the desk to organize the work that had become an albatross. 

Start before you’re ready.

Stay stupid. 

Trust the soup.

Swing for the seats.

Start now.

Pondering book format, a post with actual content

My book a week adventures this year have taken me through different formats and set me to wondering if I have a preference. Though most of the books I read are print copies, I’ve listened to a couple of audio books, and with the arrival of Sonar X8’s new iPod, I’ve sampled some ebooks.

I am not new to audio books. I am staunchly opposed to most car media. There are no screens, DVD players or gaming systems in our car. With the exception of personal listening devices and the good old AM/FM radio, there’s no electronic entertainment in our van. On our annual road trip though, we often listen to an audio book or two with the Sonars. I love to read out loud, but I can only do it for so long before my voice gives out. An audio book is great for whiling away hundreds of Texas highway miles. But, I’d never listened to an audio book at home, and I’d never listened to an audio book read by the author rather than a professional voice actor or reader. I did both recently.

Hearing Anderson Cooper and Michael Chabon read their work was fun, and especially in the case of Chabon, illuminating. Anderson Cooper read his Dispatches From the Edge with the journalistic style familiar from his news anchoring. Chabon read his Summerland with emotion, and with distinct voice and inflection for each character. When I read out loud to the Sonars, I often make up different voices and accents for the characters, so it has been fun to copy the author’s style of reading as I now read the book to the Sonars. Hearing the author read adds a richness and emphasis to the story that I really enjoy. I listened to both stories while working on a big sewing project, and sometimes while walking to school to retrieve the Sonars. The drawback of the audio format for me is that I don’t have a lot of times like those when listening is convenient. I can’t check email or read anything while I’m listening. I can’t do any tasks that require careful concentration either, otherwise I find myself distracted from both the story and the task.

My experience with ebooks has been a good one so far. I know the iPod Touch has a smaller screen than the dedicated e-readers, but I like the interface of both the Kindle app and the iBooks app. I enjoy the portability of the format, and the ability to take along several books, especially in situations where print would otherwise be too bulky. I also like reading in bed with the e-reader, especially with a lengthy book, simply for the practicality of not having to hold up a heavy book. The drawbacks for me (besides having to borrow the reader from my middle child) is that I already have paper copies of many books I want to read, and my budget limits the number of books I can buy. Regular readers surely notice that most of my book reviews are based on library copies. Rumblings of lending practices for ebooks might ease some of those contraints. Time will tell. 

I am a lover of the printed book. I am a jotter of notes in margins (at least with books I own). I am a leaver of scraps of paper in between pages. I am a joyful discoverer of the treasures left by others. Ebooks don’t allow those etchings and relics in quite the same way, so I don’t think I’ll ever give up the printed book completely. I also think there are some instances where the printed book is a far superior medium. 

Take Jay-Z’s Decoded for example. This beautiful book was a pleasure to hold in my hands, to experience the artfulness of the words as well as the artfulness of the composition of each page. While an ebook that could play me samples of every song might have added to the value, I’m not sure the smaller format would do justice to the detail and flow of those printed pages. 

So which format do I prefer? It depends. I appreciate the utilitarian nature of the ebook, the potential it holds for multimedia interconnectivity. I appreciate the theatrical experience of the audio book. I appreciate the mass of a non-electric paper book in my hand, the way a book becomes an object with a meta-narrative of the lives of its readers in connection with the text.

ABAW: Quick Hits in Early May

A quick update on the things we’ve been reading. 

Ben & Me: from Temperance to Humility, stumbling through Ben Franklin’s thirteen virtues, one unvirtuous day at a time by Cameron Gunn, Penguin Group 2010 (library copy)

Cameron Gunn is an early-middle-aged public prosecutor who wants to be a better man. Ben & Me is the story of his foibles and misadventures in following a program of self-improvement based on the work of Ben Franklin. Gunn, in no way a Franklin expert, focuses on one Franklinian virtue each week, trying to understand the meaning and significance of the virtues and how they can be applied to his busy modern life. Guided by a philosopher/pastor, Gunn’s initial vision and much of his application is fairly self-centered. He doesn’t expect perfection, but then, neither did Ben. He learns along the way that “selflessness is the beginning of the understanding of the self,” and that the best way to improve himself is simply to try. Even if he fails at any individual endeavor (which he does frequently), merely striving to be better has rewards. He also learns that rather than asking HOW he can improve himself, if he answers WHY he wants to improve himself, then the answers are both more satisfying and more useful. Though Gunn is clear that he’s a Christian, as is his guide, the book is not a religious one. His self-deprecating humor made this an interesting pondering of the nature and need for virtue in modern life without being didactic or preachy. The biggest gain for him may well have been a greater appreciation for his family and the way they inspire him to be the man he is.

Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident by Eoin Colfer, Scholastic 2002

I read this one out loud to the Sonars and they loved it. Artemis and Holly put aside their animosity from book one to work as a team. Together they are able to apply their unique skills to save something important to Artemis, as well as protecting the fairy world from takeover by an evil mastermind. I think Artemis gets a little soft in this installment of the series, but the Sonars still think all of the characters (especially Mulch Diggums) are great. I’m curious to see how the Fowl family dynamic will change as the series goes on. I could just as Sonar X8 and X10, who have already gone on to devour read The Eternity Code and The Opal Deception.

On Deck:

Out loud we’re reading Summerland by Michael Chabon. I started listening to this on audio book, read by the author, and loved it so much that I stopped and convinced the Sonars that they’d love it as a bedtime story. I wasn’t wrong. We all do love it. Baseball, fair—um, I mean ferishers, a werefox, baseball, a zeppelina, baseball. It has a lot of elements that fire their imaginations.

I’ve just started Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness and Do the Work by Steven Pressfield (of The War of Art fame), and I continue to make my way slowly through Far From the Madding Crowd. There’s also a stack of sex ed books on the corner table that are sure to come up in a blog post soon. Stay tuned.