A snort of approval

No. Not that kind of snort.

Thanks so much to everyone for the snot sympathy, and for suggestions about combating the snot.

In spite of the myriad modern concoctions available to root out, thin out, and disinfect upper respiratory mucus, I’ve had the best results with nasal saline lavage. That is to say, squirting saltwater up my nose at regular intervals. Nothing fancy. Half a teaspoon of salt in eight ounces of cleanish water. Squirt.

I’ll admit that as a card-carrying mammal, complete with air-breathing lungs, I was not crazy about the idea of introducing liquid into my upper respiratory passages. But I have to say, that weird as it is, I also find it sort of exhilarating.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. I have never dated a doctor. Heck I don’t even know that many doctors. So my entirely unscientific, anecdotal experiences with snorting saline should not be taken as advice in the treatment of your snot. Please contact a reasonably qualified medical-type person for advice about your own snot.

That said, if you choose to try such an application of brackish water to your mucus membranes, be sure not to blow it out too hard and back it all up into your ears. Blow gently, both nostrils open. No fun to have the saline in the ears. Seriously.

Speaking of sticking things up your nose…

No. Still not that sort of sticking up your nose.

Sonar X7 had gigantic cotton swaps stuck up his nose today to confirm that yes, indeed, he is our next contestant in name that germ. This week’s featured virus: Influenza. Yes, folks, joining us in our parade of germs is this year’s infamous flu virus. Along with its cousin, it has been baffling flu vaccines everywhere. Flu brings along with it a new player to our pharmaceutical party, Tamiflu.

This is our family’s first experience with the celebrity drug, and, as with so many other drugs, the Integrated MedFacts Module (aka the handy flier the pharmacist gives us with our drugs), this one almost makes the drug sound scarier than the virus.

*Common* side effects include nausea and vomiting. Well, hot-dog! He’s already had nausea and vomiting, and while it seems to have passed, let’s go ahead and dose him and see if it’ll come back around.

Even better though, “Patients with flu who take this medicine may have an increased risk of confusion and unusual behavioral changes. The risk may be greater in children.” Yippee! I’m so seriously looking forward to that one, because, my kids are already maniacs when they’re sick.

Where’s that saline?

Forward

I have 52.5 pages on my script!! Yay!! More than halfway. Ok, I know I set out to do 30 this weekend and only came up with 12 (and a half!), but I’m counting this as good forward progress and refuse to dwell on 17.5 pages I wish I’d done.

There are ten days and 47.5 pages left. That requires a completely doable average of 4.75 pages per day. I am going to finish this crazy little story.

In other news, that stupid virus just won’t take a hint. I tried to be gracious and let him be the one to leave rather than humiliating him with a messy breakup. But dude won’t get out. Virus is really freakin happy clogging up my left ear. Virus needs to find pseudo-life in some other body. Just not anyone in this family. Or anyone else I know. Perhaps some stranger. Or someone I don’t like. Yeah, that’s it.

Next time: The raid on the Texas polygamists is really weird.

Would you like tissues with that?

This virus and I are celebrating our eighth day together. Ah, and what a time we’ve had. Gosh, it seems like only last week we were having that first little tingle of excitement, a tickle in my nose, then the flash of a blinding headache. And then how time flew as we worked our way through the snot, choosing our favorite kleenexes, deciding on a drug regimen.

But I’m worried that the virus is starting to lose interest. The fire has really gone out of things.

And what will I do when the virus is gone? Oh, my, what will I do???

Oh wait. I know what I’ll do.

Breathe through both nostrils at the same time! Hear clearly with both ears!! Not fall asleep when I sit still for three seconds!! WRITE.

Ahem. Sorry. I got a little carried away there.

But yes, the plan here is to write this weekend. I have 40 pages done on the script. I have a 30-page goal for this weekend. Who’s with me? You over there in California maybe? How about you, yes, you, up in British Columbia? Yes, you know you want to. Ok, maybe not 30 pages. How about a fresh blog? Free-writing for 20 minutes? A grocery list?

Nose and Notes

I have a cold in my nose and 33 pages in my script.

Zooooommmmm!

Forgotten Random Friday Observations

—There’s nothing funnier to a five-year-old (or seven-year-old or three-year-old) than a reference to excrement. Bonus giggles for scatological rhyme.

—I have written 15 pages on the script.