Statistics

With apologies to the Harper’s “Index”:

• $748.72; our monthly health insurance premium.
• $15; copayment anytime one of us wishes to see a physician in a clinical setting for any reason.
• $100; copayment anytime one of us wishes to see a physician in an emergent setting for any reason.
• $95; cost for the ineffectual flu shots we got back in October.
• 6; number of days this flu took to infect all five of us, as measured by first onset of symptoms.
• 6; minimum number of pounds I’ve lost since first onset of flu symptoms on Thursday.
• 4; minimum number of pounds lost by Sonar X7 since first onset of flu symptoms last Monday (I stopped checking, this freaked me out too much).
• $150; average monthly drug costs for our family, including allergy and asthma meds.
• $217.96; cost of one week of additional drugs for treatment of the flu (still accumulating).
• $60; cost of doctor visits during this epic flu battle (still accumulating).
• $29.95; cost of the “Cough Your Way to Rock Hard Abs” DVD, hosted by Archie Fleming.
• 2; rank of “Coughin’ to the Oldies” among most popular fitness DVDs for “mature Americans.”
• 1; rank of Feeling Like Your Tongue’s Been Ripped out by the Root in underreported injuries among subscribers to Archie Fleming’s Cough Your Way to Fitness series.
• $29.95; cost of a cool hat, snazzy stainless steel water bottle, and some sunscreen to take with you outside, where you breathe fresh, clean air and move your body in a way that doesn’t make you feel like you want to die.
• 500 (est.); loads of laundry we did yesterday.
• 1 (min.); large loads of laundry washed with the Load Size set to Small.

Figures cited to the best of my frenzied recollection as of as of five minutes ago. All figures have been adjusted for hyperbolic effect, except for the weight loss and actual health costs, which are really that horrifying. No seriously. Go ahead and multiply 748.72 by 12. I’ll wait. Now know that we consider ourselves lucky to have such good (though pricey) health insurance. My sister has to work nine months before she earns that much money, and she does that without receiving any health benefits whatsoever. Yeah, I know it’s wrong too. And yeah, I think “mature American” might be an oxymoron. Go drink some orange juice.

Comments

[CT]

*toasts you with her own water bottle (albeit not schnazzy) and tissue box*

Sigh. That is horrific indeed (the weight loss especially :( :( :( ).

I feel you on the financial pain. Makes you wish you didn't get the flu shot and just invested in more saline, tissues, and guinefesin!

Hang in there, hot thang.

Non-fluey hugs (or maybe I do have flu right now--jury's out),
Fevery grading-goddess

[Ileana]

I'm sorry that you feel so incredibly lousy. I hope you get better quickly. Hugs, thoughts and prayers to you.

[Drythe]

I hope you guys are feeling better very soon, or at least enjoying your fabulous new diaphragm-fitness program. Here's hoping you didn't have to re-wash all 500 loads of laundry - I hate it when I do that.

Health insurance is full of such "amusing" ironies. Yanks stopped smoking recently (yay for him!!). They won't pay for any sort of smoking-cessation treatment, but they will pay out the wazoo for lung cancer treatment. Go figure.

Speaking of Yanks, he sends his well-wishes also. (Privately, he posits that viruses don't like high altitudes...I told him to shut up before he jinxed us.)